He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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