he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This toilet bowl is my home.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
