I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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