Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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