my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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