I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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