its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We talked him into tasing himself.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
