If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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