i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
