Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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