just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
it glows. i had to have it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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