i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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