3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
