So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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