I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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