omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
