If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
