pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He shit in the fireplace
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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