im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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