the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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