I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
