just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
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