Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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