You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Randomize
