before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
