What a fucking waste of an outfit
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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