is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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