just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
