Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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