he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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