Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
