You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
