I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
