yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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