he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Did I show you my penis last night?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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