The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
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i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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