oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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