Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
