im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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