so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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