he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
