honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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