and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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