he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
