I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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