New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
