You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
