im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
