me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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