I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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