speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
