I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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