is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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