Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
