The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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