escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
