I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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