can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
