he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
