Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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