Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
