I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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