Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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