Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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