She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
