guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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