you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
